Monday

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"Most of the methods of training the conscious side of the writer - the craftsman and the critic in him - are actually hostile to the good of the artist's side; and the converse of this proposition in likewise true. But it is possible to train both sides of the character to work in harmony, and the first step in that education is to consider that you must teach yourself not a though you were one person, but two. . ." - Dorothea Brande
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Ah, I do not know what is going on with me. I am sleeping later and later. Although, I am sleeping better than I was and I guess this is a good thing. But, it is so late in the day which means I will be doing things later in the day and will stay up again tonight.

I had a text from the Amazing Mz. M this morning that Sir Frank went into the ER on Friday and they kept him over the weekend. He is going to have an angioplasty today. I think this is where they go in and remove any blockages. Gosh, I hope things go well. I asked Michael to call the Amazing Mz. M as I think she might like to have a male shoulder to lean on. I assume mother is with her as well and this will give her courage. I wonder if any of Sir Frank's family is there.

The sun is out this morning! What a joy. After I took care of Bailey's needs, I went out and put bread crumbs out for the birds and cleaned the bird bath. I notice the hummingbird food is down to about an inch in the glass. Soon, I will have to take it down to clean it and to put in new fluid. I believe I have about four or five different little birds using the feeder now. Yesterday while writing, I noticed one of the little birds which is black feathered on top and a soft brown on the on the bottom. It hovered in the near the bread crumbs but did not land. I think this was due to the fact Bailey was in front of the slider. The little bird does not know yet that Bailey cannot get out.

I need to replant the flowers that Mr. T gifted me and I need to talk to Michael about scooping up the charcoal that is on the patio. It should be dried enough by now to put away. I wonder if it is good enough to burn. He might have to have some lighter fluid to get it going. But the good thing is that Mr. T gifted Michael with a charcoal chimney and Michael says with this, we will not need lighter fluid. I like this much better and the taste of the food does not taste like lighter fluid.

The house is falling apart around my ears. I have not felt like doing much housework. My "to do" list is growing and only a few things are coming off. I assume that I will get the burn and will go at it like a wild fire but until then I can only moan and groan about it.

I had planned to do a full moon ritual last night but no. I could not find much of my ritual tools and then I fell asleep in my chair. So much for that, I could try again tonight to get into the habit of doing ritual but the moon is waning now as the peak of the full moon was at 2:27 a.m. this morning. Now if I was really serious about a ritual I would have gotten up prior to 2:27 a.m. and did it then. Since I am retired there is no reason why I could not do this but once I begin to fall asleep, it is all over for me.

Michael called the Amazing Mz. M but got her voice mail. He left a message for her. I assume she is in the hospital and has her cell phone off.

I spoke with Mr. T this morning. He said he is feeling good, he has lost some weight and his blood pressure is staying down. He says he finds doing his yard work is helping him to feel better too. Yard work is sympathetic magick and that does both you and the earth good.

Priority today:

- Make the bed
- Do my paperwork
- Wash the bathroom and entry way floors
- Clean up the kitchen; especially
- The stove top

I also want to read some more. I have not been giving that as much attention I can. Susan Lucci’s book is an easy read so I should be done with it by now.

Michael told me that the housing authority guys are over painting today. The boys are really going to town on that apartment. I wonder how much they have sanitized the place due to the smoking going on over there. I know new carpet and padding will help but I do not believe that a new coat of paint will hide it all. And, what about the ceiling, that has to be infiltrated big time with smoke. I bet after awhile, that smell will be coming through. It will be a good thing if it does not.

I can hear the trash trucks going to work this afternoon. I am sure they began somewhere else earlier this morning but this is when they arrive at our dumpster. The trucks are certainly noisy.

Bailey is in his chair cleaning himself and watching the birds. So far, I have only seen the hummingbirds. All I know is that some type of bird is eating the bread crumbs but I do not see them when they come. I wonder which types are feeding.

I feel the reason I have been putting off my bookwork – two reasons actually – is one the change on the counter due to the impending Internet hook up and two, will I have enough money to pay everything that needs to be paid. We are behind on three bills:

- The Verizon bill
- The AAA bill, and
- The storage bills.

I would not be behind on the storage bill if they began our payday on the date that we went in. But no, this manager sets the pay date at the first of each month. This really puts me in a bind. I do not know how long it will take me to get caught up. Plus, I cannot find the check I wrote up for Doctor John last month. I have the copy but I cannot find the check. I wonder if I have mailed it to them. I did call Dee and let her know that I would be late. She thanked me profusely for letting her know.

Although we called Verizon, we received a nasty note in the mail this weekend. This I think is totally unfair since we did call up and make arrangements. Our bill for August is still over $100. I went over in minutes plus I feel I got dinged because of the photos I sent to everyone. Other than making necessary calls, I am going to use text and not talk on the phone anymore than necessary. We have got to keep the bill down to about $80. This we can afford.

I do hope there is money enough to do some laundry and to put gas in the truck.

Another paperwork thing I must do is create my list of what I am putting into savings. This way I know what is going into savings and the total amount so I will not have to figure it up each month.

So far, I do not seem to have any problem with my critic while writing my morning pages, other than the fact that I do make corrections. Is this my critic at work?


Okay, it is 2:17 p.m. I took a break in writing. I watched Simply Ming and another cooking show. Michael has gone to the clinic to get provisions. I also call the Blood Bank and scheduled an appointment to donate blood this coming Thursday.

Now to go back to my critic, I know I am inhibited by my critic. Like not leaving misspelled words the way they are. I need to correct them. Morning pages are not about being perfect. Ha! Granted when I do go back to read them I find sentence structure off. For what reason my critic did not notice that is beyond me, maybe my creative mind had her locked in the proverbial closet for the time.

I believe it is because of my critic – I need to come up with a name for her – I feel I do not have any creative ideas for which to write. Although, I did write a letter to the New Times editor about my feeling on our political representatives taking a pay cut. One thing I did that was not PERFECT was I did not go and look up was how to spell our former governor’s last name. I left it at Arnold S. I was kind of surprised the newspaper did not spell it out. The old me would have scrounged around until I found the correct spelling of Arnold’s last name. This is when it would be convenient to be connected to the World Wide Web.

Hopefully, the piece that needs to be replaced is the only thing wrong with our computer. Plus the cost is only $20 or less. It will be nice to have the connection. I feel I want to write to Words of Mine but then I have a small icky feeling of not being good enough to write.

I am good enough to write. I can keep my entries to one good paragraph and that will be good enough. I do not need to write a complete page of stuff when one good paragraph will do. And, I still may take pieces from my morning pages for that day’s writing.

mz. em

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Currently Reading:
-- "All My Life: A Memoir" - Susan Lucci with Laura Morton
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