To give a little insight into the last entry, I will have to talk about my neice. Which is hard for me to do. She was born in 1990, when I was 14 years old. My sister had two sons before her and all of the sudden decided that she didnt want to be a mother any more. She was missing out on too much, blah blah blah. She tried getting my parents to watch the kids, but they said no. Then she told me she was going to leave them with. This person was a drug addict. To this day I wonder if she was really going to do that. Or did she just say that so I would watch them. Either way it worked. I spent the next year or so of my life with those kids for hours a day. My neice was so young, and with her mother never around, I became her mother. She called me mama, and called her mother by her first name. I became so attached to my neice that I began to think of her as my own. I could not have loved her any more if she had been. I bathed her, dressed her, fed her, played with her, read her bedtime stories. Then one day my sister came to her senses. She saw her little girl too attached to me and became jelous. They moved to a city twenty minuets way and I was not allowed much contact with her. I died inside. I felt like I had lost my little girl. The only thing that placated me was knowing that one day I would have a son or daughter just like her. Those big brown eyes, silky black hair and coco skin. When that dream was ripped away from me I died all over again. It took a few years but I thought I had convinced myself it would be okay. I guess I didnt do a very good job.