One thought tumbles around my head. Rolling over and over like a tumbleweed on a desolate stretch of desert road. Everything else recedes, fading into the back ground and turning into the sun and sky. Slowly becoming the perfect backdrop for my loneliness.

This thought, this one terrible thought has slowly taken over. There used to be grass and trees for me to rest peacefully in or on. A waterfall to soothe my troubled soul and flowers of indescribable hues cultivated with the love I felt for the world around me.

The landscape was strange, but it was mine. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all. It was the only retreat I had until fire in the form of hatred and jealousy tore through this peaceful place scorching or consuming everything in it's path.

No matter how many tears I shed to quench these fires almost nothing could be salvaged. The only thing left unscathed was that one precious gem that I kept hidden. Hidden so well from the rest of the world that at times I could not find it myself.

As I gazed out at the ruin that had once been my only salvation, the longing to see that gem overwhelmed me. To hold it in my hands and feel its warmth spread through me like the healing rays of the sun.

With a sigh I close my eyes and the journey begins. As badly marred as the landscape above has become it pales in comparison to what lies beneath. The ruins of retreats past create layer upon layer of emotional debris that I must go through to reach my intended target.

Each layer is more painful than the last. By going through them I am inevitably forced to relive those periods in my life. I have not yet reached the point where I can feel the sweet. Only the bitter.

Ghosts I had thought laid to rest clutch my hand and in my ear they whisper their not so sweet nothings. I no longer struggle when this happens. Struggling just makes them more persistent. If you let them have their say, they disappear as quickly as they came. Eventually letting you go down another level.