I cannot wait until this disease runs its course. I am so tightly strung right now I can hardly sit still. I am seconds away from either screaming at my mother or just hauling off and slapping her. I have never liked her much, and lately I cannot even muster up respect for her. Without that respect I cannot hold myself in check. Today she had the audacity to yell at me because she forgot to pay the water bill, and they came and put a shut off notice on the door. How is this my problem? I hand over my money to her for bills, and she is supposed to take care of the rest. It is just one thing in a long line of things. I am not overly happy with my father right now either. They are the ones who forced me to go out and get a drivers license. So I did. In addition to now being a glorified errand girl, they get upset when I ask to use the car. I told them that this was the main reason I did not want to bother. This hell hole has no public transportation, and i knew if I got a license I would want the car as much as possible. Then there is driving with them in the car. My mother holds onto the door like she is going to die, and my dad sits in the backseat and gives instructions. I am 29 years old. I have known how to drive since age 15. I am thinking that I know to check my blindspot before I make a lane change. Or that I can see when the speed limit drops. I also know how to look both ways at stop signs. The worst thing about living here is when it comes to my dealings with them I regress back to a ten year old. In a bad way. It is only in the house. When I leave, I am my normal self. Well, as normal as I can be anyway. With my anxiety levels this high and no outlet for them I just want to smack someone. My mother is the perfect candidate. That old hatred I feel for her just tends to rear its ugly head at the worst times. It is something I can bury from time to time but it will never go away. I would not bother with burying it if it wasnt for my dad. He demands that I respect her and since I cannot tell him why I hate her, I dont have any choice.