I dont know why little things can upset me so much. I should have realized that posting on this site was a stupid idea. It all started when a friend of mine told me she loved this site, and that I should check it out. I blew it off until she pissed me off one night. I new she was lying to me. I could hear it in her voice. After twenty some years of knowing someone you would think that there would be no lies. I came here to check up on her. And found out I was right. We were supposed to do something and she blew me off. That in and of itself is fine. why couldnt she just tell me she would rather hang out with her other friends? I am not the type of person to get pissy about that. What truly bothered me was that she lied to me about something so trivial. If she can lie to me about that, what else does she lie to me about? They all lie to me. My so called friends. I dont have one that I truly trust. I am the sounding board. When there is a crisis they call me and I deal with it. I am happy too deal with it. But what happens when I have a problem? What happens when I want to blow my fucking head off? When my cat dies? When I break up with my boyfriend? They are nowhere to be found. It always me who is left to deal with me. They always seem to have something more important to do. I was stupid enough to think that I could reach out someone through here. Just have someone to talk to when I was down. Now I know that will never happen. The depth of my own stupidity shocks me sometimes. And I cannot say i dont have friends I dont trust. When I feel like this I dont want to worry them. I know it is only temporary. It is times like this that I would give anything to be a child again. Because when I felt like this as a child I had only to be held in my fathers arms and everything was okay again. Now I am just left aching and sobbing. And there is no comfort. Not anymore.