Anne,

I cannot fucking wait until we move out of this house. There is so much work to do to keep it up. My mom isnt feeling well and neither am I and all my dad can do is bitch that the house isnt clean enough. Well I dont see him getting off his ass and doing anything about it. He is your typical mexican man. He thinks that the women should do all the house work. I mean he cant even sweep the fucking floors. It just pisses me off. He knows we are both sick, yet he bitches and whines because the house is dirty. When we move into an apartment it will be smaller and easier to take care of. It will drive me nuts, having to be around them all the time but it might just be worth it. Here I have the upstairs to escape to at least. I am really hoping that my mom will be able to take care of an apartment. Then I can get my surgery, get a full time job and get the fuck out of here. Well, their house anyway. I am not moving from bg until Josh does. I love being only half an hour away from him. I have been having weird dreams again. This time it was a dream about being at that beach in North Carolina when everyone left me and went for a walk. It was skewed but that is what it was. I was terrified because I could see the tide coming in and covering everything in its path. I was so choked with fear I couldnt move until it was almost to late. And then when I did run I couldnt get away. It kept rising higher and higher. Once it got to my waist I woke up and almost screamed. The other night I had a dream that a squriel had gotten in the house and was chewing on the buttons of one of my dads shirts like Jewell does. I didnt seem to think anything odd about a squriel being in the house. I just told it to quit and sprayed it with the water bottle. Speaking of Jewell she has been such a gift. My dad and I went to the humane society and picked her out after daisy died. For some reason though she bonded to me instead of to him or my mom. She follows me around like a puppy. If I sit down she comes and sits on my lap. She sleeps with me at night. If I make a loud noise or a noise she has never heard me make she comes running up and sniffs me to make sure Im okay. She tries to help me do the dishes, take a shower. Anything involving water. She has really helped bring my anxiety level down. Sebastian hates her of course. He thinks I am his human and only his human but after a year he has grudgingly accepted her. And Zena is Zena. She loves me not matter what. God I hate her name. I really wish I could have gotten her to respond to something else but by the time I got her and Sebastian from Miriam they already knew their names. Sebastian however has learned to respond to Bunny. We call him that because he is all white and his ears and nose are pink. He is just so fucking cute. Annoying but cute. His favorite activity is yowling after everyone has gone to bed. Zena is just Zena. She wants to be petted when she wants to be petted and no other time. She licks everything in sight and purrs a lot. She doesnt like to be held, but thankfully she does like to be petted most of the time. She just has such a sweet disposition. As long as you open a window she is happy. She doesnt try to eat your food either. She isnt a table food cat. Bunny and Jewell however will climb on you, on the table, anything to get a scrap. I have Jewell trained that when I eat a bowl of cereal she comes and sits on my lap. When I am done, if she didnt try to stick her nose in my bowl, I give some milk. Bunny you cant train. He just wants to eat, and eat now. I am going nuts. It has now been a week since the cable was shut off, and I cant watch BBC america. I used to watch it from 10am-4pm every weekday. Now there is nothing to watch and I am bored and in withdrawl. I mean not being able to see Laurence? It pisses me off that he doesnt design anymore but at least you get see him you know?