You came and changed my life. Just as quickly you were gone. You gave me things I thought I would never have. Made me feel things I thought I would never feel. That must be why it still hurts to think about you. That you could misunderstand me that much. Then refusing to admit you were wrong. Did you really think I could be like her? That stupid air headed little bitch that still followes you around after all these years and after all that you did to her? I am not a doormat. But I guess you know that now. I will do whatever it takes to prove my point. Even if it hurts. Even if I have to feel that void in my soul that you filled. Its strange how complete you made me feel. How I didnt even know that something had been missing until you came along. You made my heart and soul sing. Just being in the same room as you. Seeing you smile and knowing that smile was because of me. When you came to me a month in and told me that you wrote about me in your diary, which you never do. And that I had somehow worked my way into your heart. You knew that we had known each other before and it was fate that we find each other again. Hearing my innermost thoughts coming out of your mouth was one of the oddest experiences in my existance. Just knowing that you felt it too. But I thought you knew. I thought you knew the difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Your vanity got in the way. Thats what it was and we both know it. I think deep down you knew the truth. That I held to my word. I would love you, yes but i would never fall in love with you. I would always keep back a little piece of my heart and soul to call my own. Thank god I did. You tried though. Oh, you tried harder than anyone I have ever known. And you almost succeeded. I have to admit. That night we went out to dinner and you came back to my apartment you almost had me. I would have done anything you asked of me. And I knew what you were about to ask. If she had not come home when she did it would have been tragic. I would have to sit here knowing you were my first, and that I had made the wrong decision in giving it up to you. That you had wanted it for all the wrong reasons. If that had happened I would have fallen IN love with you. True. But after that night I kept my distance. Their were more attempts at seduction and yes sometimes they went a little farther than I would have liked but I was always in control. Always. And that drove you nuts. You could not bind me to you with the blind devotion that you can inspire in others. I long for someone to make me feel how you made me feel and at same time I am terrified. I would be torn between running away screaming and falling into their arms limp with relief. I would be torn between joy and a sorrow so deep it threatens to drown me. I want to feel like that again. Like the time you picked me up and spun and me around. Placing me gently back on the ground with a kiss. It was then I knew what it felt like to be a women. One of those skinny pretty women who have things like that happen to them all the time. You made me look at myself in a different way. I finally saw the power I had as a women, fat or not. Pretty or not. When I looked into your I eyes I felt beautiful. Inside and out. Now I just feel hollow. And once again I avoid looking in the mirror.