I have one more week of class and finally caught a moment to journal. I haven't even been keeping up with my daily readers or my fourth step inventory. Anger is the subject I've left hanging. I'm practicing is all.

Lloyd talks so much it is difficult to think when he is around. I've been forcing him to watch TV. It takes him about five minutes to get up and tell me what he's just seen.

I did get to read a DK Pocket book called Space Facts. I bought it for Rachel three years ago when Imaginarium was closing. It has been in the bathroom for a long time and I finally became the person I needed to be to pick the book up and learn about space. Fascinating! If you have any sort of trouble having faith in something bigger, read about the planets. And the moon. It's maddening to me that I am only now learning that we only ever see half of the moon. Bad parenting, bad school system, or ripe timing? I am so moved by the information. Just as the moon only SHOWS one side, so can I. And the planets have such different qualities while being much the same. Kind of like people. There are planets gone wrong (asteroids) orbiting around the sun with us. Perfectly imperfect.

I am also reading The Sound of Us by Sarah Willis, the first book of our book club. The author lives and writes about Cleveland. I like how she thinks. Her story brings up the race issue in our community, which has always been curious to me and even more so now that Rachel is one of four white kids in her class.

Her school received an effective rating in the state, most if not all of the faculty is white, they are equipped with a room full of new Macs and an interactive screen on the wall, the school is immaculate and displays framed art work and murals created by the children. The parents turn out for school events. Rachel's teacher has a master's in reading and drives 35 minutes to get to work.

The city is a mix of black and white. The whites occupy most of the housing and the blacks live in the high rises. Churches and bars do well here. All the white kids go to the Catholic schools. The blacks go to the churches without schools. There are bars for blacks and bars for whites. Whites are afraid of the public school system though most would never admit it. I was afraid of it until Rachel got into the magnet school. I was afraid I was experimenting with her. Maybe I am. I don't have a choice.

How can I possibly let a school teach my child about a religion I emphatically don't support? I sent her to a Christian preschool after removing her from the crazy lady's nationally accredited school. There they thanked Jesus for the sunshine, etc. Why go through Jesus? Still, it was better than what's-her-name's unorganized, ADD-causing class.

Rachel loves her school, Lloyd has managed to watch all of Blue's Clues, Dallas is still sleeping, the dirty and clean clothes are still occupying every flat surface in my room (the unmade bed does not count as flat), the full moon brings vivid dreams, my papa turned 94 this weekend, I get to vote down the casino gambling/money for college act tomorrow, the Backyardigans CAN be turned off, I am centered, and all is warm and well.