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So last Friday I headed over to the neighborhood nationally franchised sandwich shop. After I ordered I moved down to the register to pay and saw the assistant manager walk from the back room.

The first thing I noticed were the bruises on her face - one on one side, another covering an eye.

As she came up I asked her if she had fallen from a horse (this was the reason given by an equestrian co-worker years ago when she came in bruised). She paused a beat and replied "No, I fell down some stairs."

Huh. Yeah, right.

(I realize that I'm assuming that she lied [1] and that the bruises were the result of another human being. In the interest of avoiding written gymnastics I'm going to not qualify that assumption any further).

As we talked for a bit (I've been to this sandwich shop a number of times and have gotten to know her and some of the other staff as well as one can know someone who you see say once every two weeks) she mentioned that that was her last day, that she had been fired.

While I didn't press as to why she was fired and she didn't offer an explanation she seemed upbeat - when I expressed that I was sorry to hear that she'd been fired she replied that she was glad to be gone.

I hope so - I'm well aware that if someone is unhappy in a job that being fired can be viewed as a blessing. But unless one has other sources of financial income (and if so, why work in a job one dislikes?) the reality of looking for another job under pressure of needing a job can deflate that balloon of joy pretty darn quick.

In "The Art of Happiness" the Dalai Lama writes that one source of much of our unhappiness is that we 'Compare Up' i.e. we compare ourselves to our neighbor who seems to have the nicer house or car, the nicer spouse, children, etc. (This is also known as "Keeping up with the Joneses".)

He suggests that we'd be a lot happier with our lives if instead of comparing up we 'Compare Down' i.e. look to our other neighbor and give thanks that we have the nicer house or car, spouse or children, etc.

I've been practicing that habit (sometimes more successfully than other times) since I read that and I'm glad I have because I've found it to be a helpful perspective - it's a good reminder to be mindful of the blessings which I do experience.

The encounter with the woman in the sandwich shop is one such example.

While I've had my ups and downs work-wise, both in Corporate America and as a consultant / contractor, seeing her reminded me that a lot more seems to be going well with my life than it seems to be in hers, regardless of what I may perceive as to how well my neighbors or colleagues seem to be doing compared to me.

More to the point in addition to being able to support my family in well paying work that is usually interesting and challenging I've never worried that my physical safety is in danger nor have I had to simultaneously juggle looking for work and an abusive relationship.

I don't know what will become of her - I pray that she'll land on her feet job-wise and find a way to avoid those 'stairs'.

Reading this one might wonder why I wrote this entry. There are several reasons.

The first is this is how I sometimes process my experiences.

Second, to promote the idea of 'Comparing Down' [2].

And lastly I feel that it's possible that despite my small readership [3] someone, someday will read this and 'get' something out of it which will prompt them to reevalute their position in a 'falling down the stairs' relationship.

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[1] The reader may wonder why I'd ask such a potentially intimate question of a near total stranger and expect anything over than a lie in response.

First, I didn't expect anything.

Second, we're conditioned to maintain a veneer of politeness in our interactions with others. While this veneer is usually useful it can also be used to avoid facing unpleasant truths in ourselves and others.

My question to her was not meant to somehow 'change' or 'save' her. It was meant to, however briefly, pierce that veneer to note that I, another human being, saw the bruises on her face. What she does with that knowledge is her business.

[2] As one person commented another technique related to Comparing Down is to make a habit each day of finding a number of things for which we can be thankful (the idea behind keeping a Gratitude journal). I concur - it's a useful technique.

[3] I have no illusions that this blog is read by more than say five people at any given time. :-)