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I spoke to my daughter last night and I am worried about her. She lived with her husband before they got married for about 2 years. He seemed good guy. We knew alcohol was a problem, but appeared it was under control. Like all couples they had their own issues to work out. They got married in April. This is December. She is talking about not caring anymore. She loves him, I can tell, but she is hurting. She isn't calling his actions abuse, but I am. Not physical abuse. But his behavior is controlling. I need to vent it out, If I am wrong, please let me know.

He gets home from work before she does. He picks up my granddaughter from school or band practice, and drives another little girl home.(little girls mom drives them to school some days so it is a trade off.) He is just starting supper when my daughter gets in. He has been home for at least an hour so he has had time to change, relax, get on the computer etc. She has to go into the kitchen and sit at the table, not talk to him about her day (he doesn't want to hear her 'complain' about work) or even ask about his day, but just to be there. Once supper is done, then it is time to watch the TV shows he wants to watch. If she is not interested in them, he gets upset if she reads a book and doesn't 'tune in' to him as soon as he talks to her. (much like me, she can disappear into reading) If she goes onto the computer, he wants to know what she's doing. If friends call, he gets upset if she's on the phone too long. She calls us when she's driving home and hangs up before she gets into the house. Very rarely does she talk to us while she is home. In fact when I called her home phone the other night he heard it ringing, was the closest to the phone, and looked at her and said the phone's ringing. When she asked, "why didn't you get it?" answer "I didn't feel like it."

If she tries to make plans to go out with friends, it has to be on his approval. And he has vetoed plans. If she goes out, she has hell to pay-cold shoulder or he'll take off when they have plans already made.

She doesn't see this behavior as precursor to actual abuse. I see it and so does her dad. What do I do? What do I send her? Help?

crochetlady's Journal Meanderings, Hopes, Writing and Growth Wife of 32 years, mother of 2, grandmother of 3, Government worker eligible to retire in 5 years, crocheter of 34 years; hopeful writer; people watcher; reader of much; lover of cats,dogs,horses and most four legged animals;and much more to learn about myself.
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Previous Entry :: Next Entry Read/Post Comments (2) Share on Facebook		2009-12-10 7:47 AM steamed I spoke to my daughter last night and I am worried about her. She lived with her husband before they got married for about 2 years. He seemed good guy. We knew alcohol was a problem, but appeared it was under control. Like all couples they had their own issues to work out. They got married in April. This is December. She is talking about not caring anymore. She loves him, I can tell, but she is hurting. She isn't calling his actions abuse, but I am. Not physical abuse. But his behavior is controlling. I need to vent it out, If I am wrong, please let me know. He gets home from work before she does. He picks up my granddaughter from school or band practice, and drives another little girl home.(little girls mom drives them to school some days so it is a trade off.) He is just starting supper when my daughter gets in. He has been home for at least an hour so he has had time to change, relax, get on the computer etc. She has to go into the kitchen and sit at the table, not talk to him about her day (he doesn't want to hear her 'complain' about work) or even ask about his day, but just to be there. Once supper is done, then it is time to watch the TV shows he wants to watch. If she is not interested in them, he gets upset if she reads a book and doesn't 'tune in' to him as soon as he talks to her. (much like me, she can disappear into reading) If she goes onto the computer, he wants to know what she's doing. If friends call, he gets upset if she's on the phone too long. She calls us when she's driving home and hangs up before she gets into the house. Very rarely does she talk to us while she is home. In fact when I called her home phone the other night he heard it ringing, was the closest to the phone, and looked at her and said the phone's ringing. When she asked, "why didn't you get it?" answer "I didn't feel like it." If she tries to make plans to go out with friends, it has to be on his approval. And he has vetoed plans. If she goes out, she has hell to pay-cold shoulder or he'll take off when they have plans already made. She doesn't see this behavior as precursor to actual abuse. I see it and so does her dad. What do I do? What do I send her? Help? Read/Post Comments (2) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top