Nope it's not me. I really thoght it was. If you don't want to read, go ahead and skip, but this is my outlet for now, nowhere else to put it. I really was doubting myself. Things were going so smooth, well, duh, they were because I changed my behavior to suit him. I was available for him to talk to when he wanted, my attention immediately available for every comment, every whim-with tv on or not.

Last night, went home, put on dining room ac, the apartment management fixed bedroom one(left room door closed so that room was nice and cool-90 degree heat outside), started dishes. Had cups in straight hot water, no gloves, couldn't was dishes. Had to let water cool to point where I could touch cups at least. Hubby came home-was only suppose to pick up scripts-had other groceries too. He had to put those away, every time I bent over, I got dizzy. Anyway, once he finished putting them away (only a few items), I finished dishes.

Then I got online, there is someone's journal that I have started reading. I just found it. I am up to 2002. Why didn't I know about these journals back then?!

Anyway, supper was little leftover ham sandwhiches. We had little buns leftover from Sunday and lots of ham. Hey, it's hot out there, heavy meals don't sound good to make or eat!

I read the journal, he watched tv,or I should say Stargate dvds. We have watched them before. Nothing was on that we knew.

So I kept on reading, Occasionally he would comment, sometimes I heard him, sometimes not. If I did, I would respond.

He was not happy. This morning I found out how unhappy. I woke up, it was past normal time, he was the computer and made a comment that he was paying bills that he couldn't pay last night cause I was on-now he did not say anything about getting on to pay bills while I was on. I told him all he had to do was tell me. He made a couple of other snide remarks while we were eating breakfast. Then he said he found a computer a laptop, he wasn't getting a desktop-huh, we need a desktop-not another weak laptop. I asked him why and he gave a half-assed answer. When I called him on it he told me not to start on him again like I have for the last two days. ???????? The only thing that I can think of is that on Tuesday I got a book in the mail. I read it Tuesday night. But I paid attention to him. The book was light reading. I tried to read the Stephen King book the same way-can't-it needs the deeper concentration.

So, now I know, I really do have a partner that needs me to be available to him 100%% when we are home. My mind cannot be taken up with anything else at all. If he does not get that my life becomes a hell like this morning. This cannot be right. This cannot be healthy for anyone.

Now what?