I am glad we don't get too many long weekends-we always end up squabbling and it usually is because of something that could have been avoided if one of us had opened our mouth at the right time.
Saturday & Sunday were fine-went to see movies and shopping. Saw Iron Man II- not bad, still liked the first one better; also saw Prince of Persia-that is a good movie. You think it is going to end one way and it doesn't-that one I want to buy. We were suppose to go to a yarn shop but headed straight to wally world from the beauty shop-he forgot.
Got my hair cut short-he was surprised. But I think it is scaring him too. Lets see, I am wearing makeup everyday; got my nails done; and now got my hair cut they way I like it, not the way DD & DH liked it. It is short and curly again-my natural style. Only now I know how to take care of it. (everyone at work can't believe I ever got it straightened). I am also taking care of how I dress at work. Trying to look better. I am feeling better about myself and it is coming through.

The side effect feeds his insecurities. Yesterday it came through loud and clear. Apparently, through all of the fun we had together all weekend long, my body started giving off some "I need alone time" signals that I didn't even recognize. I was having a blast with him but by Sunday evening, I was slowing down, and pulling away, this scared him and he started old behavior. Instead of talking to me, he pouted. Even yesterday during the day, he pouted sort of.

He told me that he could tell I needed my "alone time" so he would do laundry while I took it. I took him at his word, said ok. He made a comment that I could take as much time as I needed. I said about 4 hours or so. He said he would not tell me the time. So I set my cell phone countdown to let me know when time was up. I was in creative streak with the afghan I am working on and I know how fast time will fly when I am in that mode. (and it did).

Before the timer went off, he started talking. He said that when he came in one time I was on the phone and it used to be that I would just tell him who I was talking to, this time I didn't. why the change in behavior? I didn't see a change. I never always told him who I talked to on the phone, he may have thought I did. Jeoulousy?! I went round and round on what did it matter about who was I talking to? I told him. But what was the big deal? Did this mean that I had to keep every thing I did the exact same way? I blew up!

Then he pointed out that for the past 2 weeks he did the laundry by himself even though I promised to do it together. Ok, why didn't he say something before? That was a bonifide problem- I was wrong. My alone time should have been AFTER laundry. And I should have been the big girl. So I work on that.

Then I went back to the root of the phone call issue. I point blank asked him if he was still afraid. The answer was yes. And I told him-the nails, the makeup, the hair, the clothes-are for me. Not for him, not for anyone else, but for ME. I am feeling good about myself, so I care how I look. This is JUST ABOUT ME! I think this shocked him. [I can tell in the way I wake up in the morning that I am feeling better. My mind is set that I am me, warts & all, accept me as I am or get out of my way. End of discussion.]

I also explained that we will still have disagreements, that we as individuals will forget or slide back occaisionally, that we will find new things that have to be discussed and reviewed. That marriage or any relationship is a give and take and has ebbs and flows, highs and lows. That is normal. He never saw that So when I hit the down point, he really still expects the worse-that I will leave him. Every time I slip up, I will expect him to have a jelousy cycle. I need to be prepared for it. His insecurity will never go away, I do not know why.

For over 30 years I have never given him reason to doubt my loyalty or fidelity; I cannot change this about him-the one thing I did ask him to do is every time he starts to feel like I am "going to walk or leave him" for whatever reason, he is to say, "no, that is a lie. She is not leaving me. She loves me." I am hoping that changing some of the 'self talk' will help.

I committed to monitor my behavior to pick up the cues that I need alone time before my behavior shows it-so that I am not saying one thing and acting another.

Looks like we both have our work cut out!