Given all that happened at work yesterday, dh & I had serious discussion and he has come to realize that the stress he has put me under hasn't helped. His attitude has made things worse and it has blown up. He hit worse case scenario of me getting fired, but no blame in voice, eyes or anything-even though I know if it were to happen s**t would hit the fan big time since budget still needs my income!

Upside, is that afternoon laydowns are on hold, we will be talking sitting up, bedtime will probably be moved up a bit, and fun time ;0 will be led by how I am doing. He is having some problems-but we both have too much to lose if my job goes down the tubes. I have to get this straight. If a temp detail is needed behind me because of surgery or something-bosses will understand. But my leave is out of control and it has to stop.

I will also be looking at myself. Good friend T, did make a comment to me that I am looking out from under a rock. Afraid to make a move. And she is probably right. Change is scary, taking a long hard look at yourself is very hard, what if it is all your fault? Then everything everyone said about you would have been right. (everyone being adopted mom's negative comments). I 'know' this is not the case-but still scary. My prolouge did say self growth.