This is what I am going to cover tonight.

I will have funds of my own from my paycheck.
I will be an equal partner in the relationship.


IMPLEMENTATION:

Budget Talking Points:

When first married we had separate accounts and paid all bills. We each had funds left over that we could spend at our own discretion. If either of us needed more money to cover bill, it was there. Then left over was split 3 ways- savings, you, me. I want to return to that method. At least $50 per pay period for each of us, we normally have that amount left over with no problem. No questions about this money (this is in addition to the $20 you give me each week to cover my water etc.).

Equal Partnership Talking Points:
When we were first married and when I left the service, I had friendships outside this relationship. I met with those friends on a regular basis. I insisted on it. I am taking that back. You joined me in those friendships and enjoyed yourself too. The ‘just the two of us’ is not healthy for us as individuals or our relationship.
I will be attending Church. You are welcome to attend with me. I cannot wait until you are ready. The excuse that it is too late in the year to ‘catch up’ with the Scripture Study of Sunday School, is spurious at best. I will be meeting with my visiting teacher partner and doing it willingly, as I have done in the past. These things I do for me and for us. Outside relationships allow our spirits to learn and grow.
Chores will be done by both of us. End of discussion. We need to determine who will be doing what and that is it. No one partner controls the other as far as chores are concerned. They have to be done.

You say that you have not stopped me from doing these things. Yet you have. Your unhappiness with me having outside people come into our lives. Your insistence that it be ‘like when we first met’ and ‘when we were newlyweds’ pushed the envelope a bit too much. Yet, I let you, so I share this part. When I think back on those times-we did have a lot of ‘just the two of us’ times and yet we where with others too. I was the one who led that way. I am doing it again. If this is unacceptable to you, then we do have a problem.

Yesterday, when you pushed for the “what did you give up” and I said what I said. Something snapped in me. That is what I had to think about. That is what I had to resolve before I could move on. That is why I needed the 24 hours.
You have said that you want to play games again. I do to. However, I want to be able to enjoy myself and not feel like I have to defend every thing I say. The last time we played a game you said it was like playing with a friend and not with a wife. You did not like it-cause I didn’t joke the right way. Hard to enjoy playing a game if I have to worry about how I am joking.


I don't know how it is going to go. But this is my blueprint. I typed it up to give me confidence to read it over, to know what I really wanted. Which is the woman I use to be-which is what he said he wanted. (I don't think he does-really. He wants a doll he can control. He doesn't have it any more.)

There was a change of plans at work today. I was to be cleaning out a supply room, but the secretary called in sick. So, I am at her desk instead. I am glad. Not really in the shape to do that cleaning. And I needed to get that stuff on paper. I will print it later. Thank you all for your patience. And boundary is strong. Like I said, something snapped.