So instead of our normal routine last night, we talked. Money, dreams, unrealized and realized, fears, hopes, budget-cut backs, reduced payments, when can we expect annuity to start questions, what if it doesn't start for a year (has been known to happen). Ok, I owe back about $4705.91, and after taxes on payout, I would get about $7800. Not much left. Yup, taxes etc eat about 50%, then theres what I owe in advance leave-thats the ouch.

Then we looked at the spreadsheet and budget and what we would need to do to live off of 1 salary for awhile. And even once annuity started, it would mean 3/4s of my income would be gone. That is quite a hunk. We cut back and could live on what is left. Except there is no wiggle room-nothing left for emergencies repairs for B's wheelchair, for the van, for anything.

I have lived like that before and for many years lived like that. I raised my children like that. I can do it again. But do I want to. Do I want to when I don't HAVE TO. That is the question. I know I could make some money off of my crafts-no where near what I make with my salary.

My salary isn't needed to support my family, it is needed to allow us to be comfortable. B understood my feeling of all the other times and decisions were to support my family. This needs to be for me. What I am comfortable with. Am I comfortable with going back to being so tight that if we want to order out Chinese on a spur of a moment treat, we can't. Or if B's wheelchair needs repair, we can't get it because copay is needed up front (runs to about $150 a time, company policy change when new company bought old company). It pays for the extras that makes our life comfortable-and we can plan better for full retirement for both of us in 4 year and 9 months(or 5years if we go to December).

But before a final decision is made, I will be talking to my manager. If any type of paperwork is in the works to lay me off or discharge me, I want to know. Since I have taken steps to control issues, and have advised him of such, and have come to work in less than perfect condition-I hope that he sees that I am working on the leave issue. Only a talk will tell.