You would all be proud of me. I have held my ground. Things must change and I have not backed down, have not fallen for the just this one time do it for us, you are not considering me or us, or any of the other BSsaid. I listed 5 things I considered necessary to be true to being me. Saying what is on my mind without fear of backlash. Time for self, prescheduled and inviolate (he didn't know what that meant). Being honest in all things. Upholding my values. Grow.

Since none of them mentioned US or HIM specifically, then IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! Never mind that my values are what have tried to make this work. I told him he is more than welcome to join me on this journey. To grow with me. Yeah, right! That meant I want to change him.

So on and off yesterday, late into the night it continues. He is getting it, that the blow up on Tuesday was a long time coming. He finally agree to see a marriage counselor, however he doesn't want someone from the church, and I did not tell him, but I am going to make sure that whomever I find knows about personality disorders. I really doubt he will go, though.

One thing that happened Friday night, we were laying in bed and talking, he'd put his hands up and I flinched. It happened twice. He has NEVER struck me, but my body reacted, and he noticed. He said, " You are afraid of me."

Yesterday, I reminded him of that, what it took for someone to react that way. He does not see it. I DO!

For those who are worrying, I am doing this on my phone, and he is doing his laundry. We did mine yesterday. Finally. All ny clothes are ckean. And just really dawned among me, he CHARGED my Christmas gifts and charges get paid out of household budget. So I am paying for my Christmas gifts. And I paid for his out of my allowance/savings. Ain't happening again. Though, I have enough clothes to go a month and he don't. ( except for unmentionables)

I have told my daughter in that we are having problems. She remembers her dad being angry all the time, and me having to give in. I related it to that and I mentioned not seeing anyone to help. DD said he's trying to isolate, don't let him. Hey, she's smarter than I was/am.

On other news, DE wants to come to DC to live. Just found out that there is a problem with his license that he needs 4k to fix. WTH? NOT getting from me. That kind of fine means he did major no no. He has not told us and I am done with BS.

WELL, I think I have talked your ear off. Thanks for stopping by.