It is Monday. Sun is out and here I am at work. Cycle is not started again. He is panicking (spelling?). Anyway, I feel the stress of this in my body, in my back. However, my stomach is calm. Even in the midst of his, "You aren't giving me credit for all I did in the past." Last night at bedtime I heard about his college degree and getting the job here. HUH? Those weren't about OUR relationship or how he treats me. I didn't say anything since we were in bed and I am in pain from my shoulder. (different story and am calling doc. Injury is something that has been building up and laundry on Saturday hurt it.)

Today I am writing a story to him. It will be about our relationship. Maybe he will understand. I doubt it. And when I visit our primary care, I will ask for his help in finding counselor/therapist who has experience with personality disorders, figure even if B doesn't go, I can figure what one I have or have fleas from!

My heart feels frozen, empathy for B is gone. I know in my mind he is hurting, but no real feeling for that hurt hits me. That is what is different this time. NO FEELING FOR HIS HURT. It scares me. What if I am frozen permanently. Is this the real me?? Even the love I feel for him is more like what I feel for my other relations, not like the love I use to feel. It is scary.

I can do this. I am strong. I am woman. (Helen Reddy)

Shoulder issue: The joint hurts-picture a chicken wing that you are separating from the rest of the chicken-that is where it hurts, especially if I try to lift my arm higher than my rib cage.

Yesterday was spent mainly watching tv, sitting on couch with the cat. Tried to crochet, but had to stop and rest arm frequently. Tried wearing sling, but it was extremely uncomfortable on my neck. I have to support my arm, right now I am resting on the desk as I type. I am trying not to take anything, since OTCs react in my stomach sometimes.

Oh well, life goes on. Talk to you later.