No, I am not gay, but his clothes are coming out of the closet. He is moving out of the bedroom and last night he slept in the living room.

This is based on the fact that I had promised marriage counseling. I don't expect it to work. We have gone two other times. Once when he threatened suicide (dd was in 5th grade, we had just moved to Granite City IL), second time was a couple of years ago. Shortly after I moved here when I was feeling sufficated. Neither worked for long. Both were paid for by others. First by Church, second by work. He forgets lessons learned. Communication according to him-I learn to understand how he speaks and how he hears. The end.

Anyway, he slept in living room last night. No cuddles after work triggered the whole ball of wax to fail, and he faked a seizure. When I responded to a weird text with a matter of fact attitude, not a panic sticken one-the switch was amazing. I was calm in the bedroom. I even told him that I cared for him, but that the love I use to feel, I can't feel. That shocked him. And I told him the reason why I couldn't even act it out and I was willing to tell him all of this at that time happened at work.

We eat lunch together, and I will give him a peck on the lips. Well, yesterday he decided he wanted more. He stood up and said "I want to give you a kiss." Well he pushed more than I was ready for. He could tell I wasn't ready for it. My face showed it. He made a comment of "That was too much." I was non committed and walked away with a see you later. But I told him last night that I did not want to make a scene at the work place. I felt violated. We have not been intimate, and he knew that I was not in that place. He could not respect my wishes but had to have what he wanted when he wanted it. Like always. The same with being upset when he couldn't hold me at night because I couldn't get comfortable. Or I had to move away. I am not a thing. He made a comment about us always sleeping in each others arms. And I blew up. No, that only started when I got here. We had a water bed in IL, we couldn't sleep like that in IL!!!!! The idea of being sufficated out in the living room and out in life's arena didn't carry over into the bedroom for him. Didn't count. And I told him that he had to make those transitions into life-what goes in one place carries over.

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. Visions of murder suicide or him standing in the doorway watching me kept waking me up. A little spooky. Not to mention that the cat would lay on my chest everytime I got on my back. She's a guard cat. She slept at my feet the rest of the night.

I think that once all his stuff is out of the bedroom, I am rearranging the furniture. I never liked the way it was set up, but he did, and I have a better idea.

We are separating out finances too. My paycheck will be mine. Certain payments are taken out electronically and I need to make sure those are covered, but the rest of my check will go to my account. Speaking of which, Have to make a deposit into the checking account.

I have told my boss that marriage is just about done and B and I are separate in same household for now. And since this weekend, no stomach issues.

I still find that funny. I actually feel better than I have in a long, long time!!