Medical things first: It appears that I have just been putting a lot of strain on my upper back/shoulder muscles for a long time. My right shoulder is nice and loose, my left tight. The doc refered me to a physical therapist and the first thing PT asked was about my job and computer. And what was to my right, only my phone. Led me through a series of exercises, and I go back today, then 3xs next week. And I will be doing those exercises at home(in the gym) with weights I am sure. They are on machines! A good lead in to weight work. Bad news was walking from the original docs to the PT and getting soaked. Oh, well. I ate soup for lunch when I got home. And got to talk to TT before her power went out!!

The situation is trying at home. Maintaining platonic relationship when you use to have so much more, or at least you thought you did, is so hard. This morning it hit a bit. I have to bring a towel to PT for the exercises. Anyway, I realized that I needed to pack a handwritten journal and budget book I am starting cause I don't trust B not to go reading it, he will be home way before I will. I can lock it up at work for the week, and bring it home on Friday. And yet he walked me to the bus stop, no peck goodbye. There haven't been any kisses since Monday. What a waste.

Only one person has been invalidating about the breakup. And then she has been really invalidating-her response was 'at your age?'. And a couple of her statements led me to say, "So better a bad relationship than no relationship?" This is someone who is contends that she is a counselor. Yeah, right.

Not doubting my decision, just didn't expect negative support.

Almost started crying on the bus this morning, in mourning for all that could have been, all the dreams I had for the love I was giving. I do worry about B. But you know, he talked about his job and work last night, for over 45 minutes. I told him about my doc visit in about 4 sentences. He didn't ask any more questions. I asked questions about his meeting with his manager. About how it would affect vacation time that we have to take to close up issues with the IL house. I sat and watched M*A*S*H dvds with him last night, but I think tonight I will be in the bedroom reading, writing, or talking to my sister, or working on how to split up my paycheck deposits. I am not lonely, just sad. No real persons here to talk to yet, that will come with time.