Keeping to my normal ethics of honest, if sometimes spiky reviews, I present the newest batch. The first entry is not a story from the anthology, but one that seems to be closest since Mr. Mount's, despite his bravado, has not seen fit to provide me with one.


Nicholaus Mount
Hunted
http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1519298

Taking into account that this author is only sixteen years old, I’m going to go into more detail than normal in the hopes that he will learn from this review.

“The woods had taken on an eerie quality that was both beautiful and nightmarish.” Don’t tell us, show us. This is a major weakness in the writing. It’s the first thing a good editor or critter would point out.

“Inside the cabin was an old dirty bed, a wooden table, a radio that looked extremely old and a hodgepodge of assorted junk strewn about the floor.” The word ‘old’ is used twice in the same sentence. This is considered lazy writing. There are also stronger adjectives that could have been used here. Get a thesaurus. I recommend Roget’s International Thesaurus, fifth edition, edited by Robert L. Chapman. It’s a huge hard cover from Harper Collins.

“James’s fingered tightened around his gun as he eyeballed a wooden cabinet which was held shut by a frayed dry rotted piece of rope.”

Strunk and White would point out the rule about the use of ‘that’ versus ‘which’. In this case, the word used should have been ‘that’ or else a comma should have been inserted between ‘cabinet’ and ‘which.’ A good editor would have caught that. Also, the story needs to have the typos taken out like ‘fingered’ should be ‘finger.’ That’s minor.

Another problem, but one I’m not going into is the tense shifts. Pick one and stick with it.

There are other comma problems. Otherwise, it’s a very promising story.

The Shadow in the Crimson Light
by Mikk Pärnits
http://www.lit.org/view/15071

Another Cthulu variant. I don’t know whether this one is by another of Pacione’s underage writers, but I hope so. Because it’s dreadful. Why would I hope so? Because then he’d have lots of time to learn to write better. First off, the pacing is frantic and doesn’t work. Secondly, there are numerous grammatical errors. Third, the type of story has been done to death. There is nothing at all original here. One of the hardest things to get perfect is a story written in first person. This one fails utterly.

Southern Exposure
By Robert A. Montesino
/www.authorsden.com/visit...91&id=9566

There is only a sampling of the story posted. However, judging from what I read, I do not wish to read more. The style is choppy and fails to hook the reader. It is all tell, but no show. It should be smoothed out. The adjectives should be stronger. There is too much repetition in the word choices. In other words, it’s boring.

When I’m finished, I will rank what I thought were the most promising stories. If only they had had a real editor!!!!