It feels like it was years ago.

But in the still moments, I can still feel the hard, cold slap to my head, and the shudder to the core of my body. It repeats over and over, like some sort skipping record of phantom pain.

I couldn't understand why my head was sticky at first. And when I did understand, was suprised how little blood actually was streaming down my face. It was like the whole weight of the world had pressed down on me at that second and threatened to crush me. I wanted to lay down and close my eyes underneath it, surrendering.

The sound of labored breathing filled my ears.

I remember my take-out meal strewn around me. Strawberry shake and french fries mixed with blood.

And when my brain cleared enough for a thought of any coherency, it was: "Boy did I screw up today."