I try to be optimistic, I know what can not be. That's hard enough. But then I don't know what can be. Or what will be. I hate uncertainty.

I hate being scared and alone,
even when I am surrounded by friends and at home.
Let me get up and walk away.
Instead I stay to start another day.
I try to get my feet back on the ground,
I slip and tumble down.
Just let me get up and walk away.
Stay away, come back again.
Right or wrong,
Let me choose my poison.
I stay and wait when I should run.
I want to get up and walk away.
Speak softly as you hold me down,
Using me as a stool to push you up.
Chain me down to free your mind,
I won't let you win this time.
I will be free again, even if its not this day.
I get up and walk away.

-kln-

I meant this to be positive and I guess I kinda failed at that. I slept 19 hours yesterday. It was bittersweet. Sleep makes reality stop, puts it on hold. Sleep lets me become someone else in another place and time. Free of restrains and bonds that keep me grounded when I am awake. However, my dreams requently also forget that they are mine, I do not belong to them. And they run ramped throughout lands and places I do not wish to travel. They take me into his arms, and in waking, I am ripped from them again. Only to be left shaking alone in the dark. But then, almost as an apology, they let me slip away from the night, into a cocoon of safety and warmth, freeing me from their poisonous cletches. Be awake and think or sleep and dream, I guess I choose my poison in this as well. When I wake, the taste of freedom, and other lands, and other lives stay and linger with me in a meloncoly cloud. Floating around my head in a mist, as if my mind, like outside, has a lasting morning fog invading all its depths. But as the day goes on the pain of reality becomes harsh and blinding as the hot August sun, and the sweet, pleasant guise of happiness fog is burned away by the heat. And I am left once again, under the sun, blinded by the light and pain it can bring. My mind seemingly searches in vain for the shade of a tree to bring the sun to a pleasant stage, however it cannot pull its gaze from the brilliant light and stays out in the heat, until it collapes from exhaughtion from an atttack it didn't know it was encountering. And again, I find myself face down, on the ground unable to pull myself up.

-kln-


"Listen as your day unfold, challenge what the future holds. Try to keep your head up to the sky. Lovers, they may cause you tears, go ahead release your fears. Stand up and be counted, don't be ashamed to cry."