I HAVE SOMETHINGS TO SAY.

FIRST. I am not a slut. I am not a whore. In the words of some rap chick, "No I ain't a vigin, that don't mean I'm having sex with ya." More power to the girls and guys who can go and have uncommitted or random sex. I encourage everyone to do what they want, to do what makes them happy. I don't want to pass judgements on anyone. However, its not for me. Just because I talk about sex doesn't mean I actually get to do it. And those of you who want to pass judgement on me for what I say, you should sit back and think just who the fuck you are to decide who I am. Have you ever thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE, there is more meaning to it than that? I am a pro-sex feminist. And if you want to judge me and criticise me for that too, go ahead. I know that I am informed on what feminism is, and I am informed on sexuality, and its aspects. So if you are one of the people who thinks that I am a slut just cause I talk about sex, if you are gonna talk shit on me HAVE THE FUCKING COURAGE TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME ABOUT IT. Write an comment. Say something. But if you can't say to me what you say behind my back then you are no kind of person. There are only a handful of people at this school who can say that they have as much as even seen me kiss someone, let alone go home with someone. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I DO NOT DISRESPECT MYSELF. (And this is not meant as a slam to anyone who does go home with people. Go for it! Good for you! I just don't do it. And I do not appreciate other people telling me what I do and don't do. I think I would know a little better than anyone else. I would have been there for it.)

Along with this, if you don't like the way I dance with my friends. FUCK YOU. I really do not give a fuck what you think. I have more CLEAN GOOD fun dancing with my girls than you do standing on the wall critizing us. WE HAVE FUN WHEN WE GO OUT. Who are you to decide what is okay fun and not okay fun? Most of you will look back on your life some day and realize that while you were on the wall judging everyone else's actions, LIFE PASSED YOU BY AND YOU MISSED OUT. How unfortunate. But hey, if you want to spend your time judging other people, be my guest. Its your life to spend as you choose. BUT if you want to trash talk me, just because you don't understand why I do and say, be adult enough to say it to my face. Leave the high school drama for HIGH SCHOOL. Save it for Oprah. And for those of you who really need to take this all to heart and choke on it, will be the first ones to dismiss it. So if you are already shaking your head, I'm probably talking about you. YOU will be the one looking back on your life and realizing you missed so much.

SECOND. This is a little of what I have to say about porn, sex, feminism, and women. "Pornography, like feminism, has a bad reputation. Both threaten established political & social norms by focusing on women & their sexual choices. Pro-sex feminists argue that porn can be liberating, you're in control, you make the choices, and you cream your pants all the way there. Porn allows us to indulge in something that is typically reserved for men. Is porn degrading or dehumanizing? Hell no! Not when we can recreate those images & make them work for our own orgasmic pleasure! & we don't even have to get lock jaw in the process. Porn can offer no strings attached girl power orgasms too. No negotiations necessary. Fuck me. No, I'll fuck you. Fuck it, I'll fuck myself. Ladies, welcome to the revolution."

If you don't agree with me, stop reading my journal. Go have a hissy fit to your best friend and gossip about the new crazy thing Karen is saying. I have educated myself on issues, and options, and have made and intellegent decision, based on MY OWN OPIONS. No one else's. I suggest everyone should do the same. Don't take what anyone says to be whats right, even what I say here, FIND OUT FOR YOUR DAMN SELF.

ALSO. Do not lie to me. Do not insult my intellegence my making up a story. I will figure it out. You will slip up. I do not lie to you. When you lie to someone, you are saying you do not respect them enough to inform them of the truth. Also you assume that they are not intellegent enough to figure out your lame ass excuse for the lie that it is. Do not insult me like this. If you have to lie about what you did, YOU probably shouldn't have been doing it in the first place. Do not accuse me of lying. I have no time, space, or energy in my life to waste feeding you a line of crap. No offense, but I really have better things to do with my time than sitting up at night inventing ways to "throw you off" or trick you. I hate to break it to you, but what you think really isn't that important for me to bother inventing a story and remembering it. I REALLY JUST DO NOT CARE THAT MUCH. SO WHY DO YOU? What do you care what I think? Just be honest. Do not insult my intellegence or waste my time. I will only find out the truth and get pissed anyways. And I won't be mad about what ever the real story is, just that you lied.

NEXT. Thank you so much to all of my friends who have been there for me through so much stuff. You guys have done more for me than you will ever know. My girls from home (who will be in all of my weddings), my Lemon Ladies (also in all my weddings), my TKE boys (those here and those not still here), all the non TKE boys from up here (Greg, Jolly, Cupps, Jarod, Rob, and anyone else I'm missing), Travis Dane (who has to get a big thank you, for making me realize so much more about myself than I ever knew or would have ever believed on my own), Austin and all you guys from home, and so many other people that I can't even name. You don't know what you all mean to me. When I was lost and broken down, you helped me find my way. If I was so far down to where I couldn't get back up, you laid down with me and never left my side. You had faith in me when I had none in myself. (Showers in Chelsey's case). Here again, is where words are so hard to use. They diminish the meaning behind the actions and feelings that I am trying to express. I will simply say that I love all of you, (and if I missed you, I still love you) and my life would be incomplete if I was missing any one of you.

I am still incomplete, and maybe I always will be. I know I am not yet where I am going, but I am not where I was. And I know I will make it there some day. But I know that you will be there every step on the way. Besides, its not always the destination that is important part. Sometimes its the journey that got you there.


-kln-

"I'm doing the best that I can. I'm doing the best I ever did. Now FUCKING go away."
"No I ain't a virgin, that don't mean I'm having sex with ya."
"You my friend, I will defend, and if we change, I still love you anyways."
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for freedom of thought, which they avoid."
"Who has won and who has lost? Did you have fun and what was the cost?"