yesterday was friday. yesterday i saw the musical at my school. and then afterwards i did some stuff....yea..


and now i just fucking don't know what. did he mean that, or did he just do it so that i would not go for anyone else? does he hate me? does he like me? does he just want to lead me on, build me up and take me back down? i don't know. i just feel so cheated, so hurt, like such a stupid asshole, i just want a definite answer.

and now i just called him. and i wanted to talk to him about some stuff, but he is at his friend's house, and he is probably telling them right now about how annoying i am, and how he hates me, and how everything is just a lie, and now i am crying, because nothing makes any fucking sense, and i really just don't want to be alive anymore, but i am too chicken to actually hurt myself. but i have figured out a good way to die, and that is to starve myself, because at least while i am dying i will be thin too. so tomorrow i am going to eat a piece of chicken, and that's it, and i hope while i am in waldwick i get into a car accident and die, i really do.