well, not really. there was never a fairy tale to begin with. in life, things work out, and somethings don't. my relationship didn't, and honestly, it really doesn't bother me. i don't have to worry about guys and what they think of me and having a boyfriend all the time. in a month from now, i will be in new york city, away from this town, and i don't give a fuck what happens. and then i will come home, work a bit, get my license, and after that, i really don't give a shit.

anyway, here's how it went down. i knew a couple days before it was coming that it was actually going to come, and i was preparing for it. i was actually thinking of doing it first, and i knew that i probably would anyway right before i left for the city. but i figured, why not give it a chance. so, we were talking online, and you know, when you talk to someone everyday of the week, you run out of things to say. and i am SO SORRY if i can not think of an amusing story to tell you every single minute, but at the time i was reading a website, and you know what, what the hell am i, that little scrolling bar thing on cnn, constantly updating the public? i mean, what do you want from me? anyway, he was like "how come we never have anything to talk about anymore? this just isn't like it was in the beginning." well, duh. this pisses me off so much. any relationship is good in the beginning, and then afterwhile, the glow wears off, and you become two normal people again. if i am out with my friends, i talk to them and everything, but there's times when we have lulls in the conversation. it's called being a normal human being. so in response to that, i said, not everyone talks all the time, or something like that. and then i asked him if he has anything to talk about, and he was like, "i think you're being really immature. you're always so down on yourself and it really hurts me and it shows me that you don't care about me." ok, now let me just soak this in for a second. it's the week before finals, i have been working a buttload of hours, my family constantly annoys me, I'M IN A BAD MOOD. and it has nothing to do with him, it's just that i can't be miss wonderful fucking sunshine all the time, ok? and how does it show that i don't care about him? maybe i feel like crap about myself a lot of the time, so what? it's my problem, not yours. at this point in the conversation i was kinda getting pissed, but you know, i like ryan, he's a nice guy. so i said,"ok, then i won't say negative things." there. now i would expect him to say ok, let's try it out. but no. he was like,"i just think we can't turn back after this point, i thought this would work because i really like you but it's just not. i don't wanna hurt you like this, i feel bad doing this to you." all like this was some horrible tragic turning point in our relationship that had lasted for three weeks. and you wanna know what? if he doesn;t like my negativity, then i am willing to change. but if he doesn't even give me a chance to change, then have a nice life pal, because i am not gonna sit here and beg for you to come back. if you don't wanna go out with me, then fine. it's over, and i don't care. if you can't be the mature one and give people a chance to keep their word, then you're impatient and you'll never be able to be in a real relationship because let's face it, THIS ISN'T A GOD DAMN FAIRY TALE. people get in fights, people have bad moods, this isn;t some episdoe of friends where everyone is beautiful and happy and all their trivial cares are resolved within a 30 minute time slot. oh, and then he said something that REALLY pissed me off. he said "it's just that i feel like i am the only thing that makes you happy. what if i'm in a bad mood? what then?" at the time, i did not realize the magnitude of what he said, until i woke up this morning, and i was like, wait a minute. um, excuse me but what the hell am i, some weak incompetent female who has nothing to look forward to except to fall into her man's arms and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much she loves him and that without him she would be nothing? sorry to break to it you, but there are OTHER things in my life that make me happy besides a guy. in fact, guys pretty much suck. any good times i've had with them is not worth the shit i get in return. i forget what happened after that. i think he said he wanted to be friends, and i was like no, that's not gonna work. you can't be friends with your ex. it never works. and i really don't feel like speaking to someone who thinks i worship the ground he walks on.

and you know what, being single is not that bad at all. now i can think other guys are hot without feeling guilty. it's not like i am going to the city to get a guy, because i really am not, but who knows, maybe i will meet someone cool. i have realized that i don't feel like being tied down right now, that i am 16 and not 26 and i have a lot of time before i have to get into a serious relationship. and guys are not everything. i am perfectly happy not having a boyfriend. other things, like acting, which does not have a penis, makes me happy. and why does everyone make it seem like you need a boyfriend or girlfriend to do anything? god forbid i go to a movie theater without slobbering over anyone, and oh no, what the hell is wrong with me. everyone in my school who has a boyfriend or girlfriend thinks they are so in love and nothing will ever happen to them and their relationship is the exception that will surpass all the others. and yea, i'm sure they like each other and all, but face it, they will all end someday. i'm really not upset about this one, i'm more angry than anything else, and i am relieved that i am out of it, because now i can move the fuck on. everyone here is stupid. there's so many other people out there, and why should i be limited to the same 3 people that i went to kindergarten with. things just really piss me off, like how i am expected to be in a good mood all the time and to place myself below that of a man. i am a god damn human who goes through stress and does things besides fantasize about buying bottles of windex in bulk and if guys can't understand that, then fuck them. i'm not gonna sit around and pick my ass all day waiting for my big strong man to come salvage me from the horrors of my everyday life. jesus fricken christ, everyone is an idiot.

in conclusion, i have decided that this is the end of dating for me until i get into college. i've had enough of this petty bullshit, and i'd rather focus my time on something actually worth it. all the other little skanks can go around having sex with guys who will cheat on them anyway and contracting their herpes and whatnot, i don't give a fuck. no 16 year old is capable of maintaining a healthy and long term relationship without fighting and cheating and even if you think you are you're wrong. so there.